Yes, Mistress: Your Burning Questions Answered – Part 2
What is the biggest myth surrounding your industry/ lifestyle?
I think people often confuse the profession with my personal life. While I enjoy being a dominatrix and I would not have started in this line of work if I didn’t, I am not a dominatrix 24/7. There is a difference between being a Professional Dominatrix (Someone who offers services in exchange for money, much like a masseuse, therapist, or hairdresser), and a Lifestyle Dominatrix (someone who enjoys being dominant in their personal life with their partner(s), who might be in a Female-Led-Relationship or have other ways they incorporate D/s dynamics into their day-to-day life). Many lifestyle dominatrixes do not offer their services in exchange for money and only “play” personally, and vice versa many professional dominatrixes do not engage in dominatrix activities in their personal life. Often there is some nuance and mix in between, but ultimately, I think it’s important to respect that at the end of the day being a Professional Dominatrix is a job. And just like any job, it’s likely just one aspect of that person’s personality, not their entire personality. For me personally, I see my role as a ProDomme as a performer in a fantasy factory – I get paid to bring other people’s fantasies to life. It’s almost like creating a custom theatre production for an audience of one. As long as the activities involved fall within the realm of my offerings, these fantasies do not have to align with my personal interests for me to be happy to conduct a session, I will still enjoy the creativity of the scene regardless of the sexual interest it may have for me. For me, my personal and professional lives are quite separate with minimal overlap.
What led you to this career path?
Personal curiosity.
Did you have to have special training?
Yes, I trained with an experienced Mistress in London for about 9 months before I began seeing clients on my own. I could not have asked for a better mentor, and we’re now good friends!
What are the best and/or worst things about being a Dom?
The best thing is a well-crafted and well-executed scene or session. I find being in the flow with a responsive sub both gratifying and hypnotic – the time flies. It’s satisfying to know that I succeeded in bringing someone’s deepest fantasy to life and we entered a completely different realm together, leaving the vanilla world behind for a few hours. The worst things are disrespectful, irritating, or inconsiderate clients. However, these men get blocked from my WhatsApp and email inbox quickly!
Any big challenges that you have had to face to get to where you are now?
The biggest challenge for me is not the work itself, but how the outside world perceives the work. Because I also have another profession in a relatively conservative industry, I keep my identity as a Professional Dominatrix private. I think it can be a challenge to feel like you have to keep a secret.
Where do your sessions take place? Is it always the same place?
There are dungeons for hire by the hour all around London. I have a favourite one in West London, but sometimes I session elsewhere depending on what is mutually convenient for me and my client, as well as which dungeon has the best equipment for the session planned.
Does what you wear make a difference to how you feel when you are working? What is your favourite outfit?
I match my outfit to the type of session. I keep in mind the sensibility of the scene as well as any physical equipment concerns. For a hard interrogation scene, I’ll probably wear a latex catsuit officer outfit. For a softer foot fetish session, I’ll make sure, it’s easy to remove my shoes and stockings and would probably opt for leather lingerie and hold-up stockings. If I’m using a strap-on harness I can’t wear a girdle or skirt, or if I need to use latex gloves, I can’t wear jewellery. I love the Mia top from Something Wicked because it goes with so many different looks and is beautifully made!
What does female empowerment mean to you?
I think ultimately, it’s about choice. I don’t think domination is equivalent to empowerment, because then all we are doing is taking turns seeing who can dominate the other to feel empowered. This dualistic thinking can tend to equate submission with disempowerment, which I think is simplistic and a deep misunderstanding of power play. To choose to step into my dominant energy from time to time, and especially to be appreciated and paid for it, can be empowering at times. At other times, to choose to surrender control and ask to receive and be enthusiastically met in that way, can also be empowering. I think everybody’s liberation looks different, and being empowered is about having the freedom and choice to openly express without shame your unique version of being a liberated human.
To wrap up our Dominatrix FAQ series, we hope this blog has helped demystify the dominatrix lifestyle, breakdown the common misconceptions of bondage and BDSM and provide you with honest and respectful answers about the BDSM world. For more insights and to explore Mistress Kizumi’s world further, visit mistresskizumi.com.
