Wickedly Inspirational Women: Ally Iseman – Relationship coach and founder of Passport to Pleasure
Meet Ally Iseman, the latest exciting addition to our Wickedly Inspirational Women series, who has been involved in the sex-positive, consciously kinky space, for a decade. She is an ICF-Certified Relationship Coach and the founder of Passport to Pleasure, an inclusive relationship education platform. For individuals and couples who are curious about consensual non-monogamy, Ally provides the tools and skills they need to open up more authentically to each other, build the relationships they want and deserve. Regularly sharing her knowledge on a multitude of podcasts, she also shares her experience by speaking at live events, and through her written and video content
Tell us a bit about yourself, name, age, where you live?
My name is Ally Iseman and I’m a recent London import by way of spending the last almost 20 years living in Los Angeles. Originally from Maryland outside DC, I’m 40 years old and excited for this new chapter along the Camden canals.
What do you do?
I’m a Certified Relationship Coach, award-winning writer, public speaker, and corgi enthusiast. I teach curious couples and individuals around the world the tools and skills they need to build the relationships they want and deserve, without spending countless hours in therapy. Whether you want to open up your relationship to include additional people, or you just want to open up more authentically to each other, I’ve helped hundreds open up without breaking up.
Can you tell us 5 words to describe yourself?
Fuck Around and Find Out
How do you feel when you wear lingerie as opposed to underwear?
I love wearing lingerie as my everyday because I believe romance and luxury can be infused into every moment. When I feel sensual and empowered, which I do in lingerie, it impacts every element of my life from my interactions with others to the decisions I make to the food I eat and the way I move.
What is currently your favourite piece of lingerie that you own and why?
I’m obsessed with bralette sets that actually support my double Ds on my narrow frame. Matching sets make me feel put together and demicups show off my best assets. I used to feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about my ample chest–I was “one of the boys” when I was little and that all changed overnight when I blossomed above the waist. I tried to hide them in big, baggy sweaters so things would go back to the way they were. Now they’re one of my favorite parts of my body. Feeling them supported and celebrated by lacy and leathery things (vegan of course) supports my work as a professional who is embodied in her sensual empowerment. I will not hide or feel shame about my body just because others have been unwilling to do their own emotional labor around their relationship with their own bodies. I love mine, it took me a long time to get here (and it’s ongoing), and giving her things for the simple reason that they feel and look good is a priceless gift I enjoy giving myself.
What does female empowerment mean to you?
It means not taking on stories written by others about what my body and self-expression mean as my own. It means being multifaceted and willing to be uncomfortable. It is not a comfortable thing to be sex-positive or femme-positive in a sex- and femme-negative world. It means being willing to listen. To accept that being my whole self is both an act of rebellion and a gift, depending on the audience. It means collective/collaborative growth over competitive. It means accepting that I can make mistakes, and choosing to learn from them.
What do you do to make yourself empowered/liberated/confident?
I make sure I have at least a small piece of every day–ideally right at the start immediately after I wake up, before I look at my phone, leave the house, or sit down to work–entirely for myself. Where I get to choose what I want in that moment and the choice is not a reaction or response to anything other than my own desire. Be it meditation, movement, self-pleasure, making tea: I give that to myself. This way every day belongs to me.
‘Female sexuality is no longer a taboo’ Do you agree with this statement?
No. We live in a divisive, sex-negative world where bodies are still able to be owned and considered commodities. I have lived, loved, and worked in the sex-positive space for almost a decade, including producing high-end, erotic nightlife events. Regardless of gender identity, we have all been given such narrow lanes within which to express our sensual selves. Only a specific type of ‘female sexuality’ is commonly given grace, and it is usually dictated and directed by men for the male gaze. Men are not the enemy, binary thinking is.
What message would you give to your younger self eg as a teenager?
It’s okay to accept and celebrate that you are considered attractive.
Website: www.passport2pleasure.com
Instagram: @allyiseman, @passport2pleasure
