Yes, Mistress: Your Burning Questions Answered – Part 1
Stepping into the world of BDSM can be thrilling and empowering and a little daunting whether you are a newbie beginner or an intrigued submissive. Here at Something Wicked we have collaborated with the amazing Mistress Kizumi to answer your questions and understand the role of a professional dominatrix and what it means to be in this lifestyle. This blog will demystify the lifestyle, breakdown the common misconceptions and provide you with honest and respectful answers about the BDSM lifestyle.
Introducing Mistress Kizumi who is a sought-after London based dominatrix known for her commanding presence and uncompromising control. With years of experience in the BDSM world she builds bespoke tailored sessions for each client after a detailed consultation, so you can both enjoy the luxury of her specialised mastery in domiantrix/ submissive play. Mistress Kizumi maintains a safe and consensual space for chastity control, bondage and strap on play to name but a few of her expertise speciality skills that she has developed over many years’ experience within her Domme role. Her central London based dungeon reflects her impeccable taste – luxurious, private, and fully equipped, where all your darkest and wildest fantasies can come alive under the dexterity of Mistress Kizumi. Find out more about her and her sessions on her website Mistresskizumi.com.
What is a professional dominatrix?
A professional dominatrix is a paid service provider. The service they provide is the experience of female domination within the context of BDSM.
What can I expect from my first session?
In our communications over email or text, I will have given you the address for the dungeon and told you not to arrive early nor late, but to arrive exactly on time. Once you arrive at the dungeon, you’ll ring the doorbell, and I will open the door in a black robe. I will motion you downstairs into the basement, and we will walk into the playroom where I will have set up two seats. I will ask you to take a seat, and we will spend the first 5-10 minutes having a consultation, during which I will ask you about any past experiences, preferences, hard limits, medical history, allergies, and explain how a safe word works. After our discussion, including answering any of your questions, I will send you to the restroom to get fully undressed, and while waiting I will remove my black robe to reveal my outfit underneath. Once ready, you will return to the playroom naked and I will be dressed in my full dominatrix kit. I will be holding a riding crop, and use it to motion for you to get down on your hands and knees with your head on the floor and hands outstretched. I will slowly pace around you in my tall boots or heels, and inspect the specimen that has walked into the dungeon that day. Once satisfied with my inspection, I will stand firmly, towering in front of you, and command you to place one kiss on each toe of my boot to commence our session. From there, we will explore whatever activities we have previously discussed and agreed upon. I usually have a game plan, especially for sessions requiring a lot of equipment, but oftentimes I also rely on intuition and improvisation as I observe your response to the activities.
Does a session with a Domme involve sex?
Well, it depends how you define sex.
To put things succinctly: domination sessions do not involve penis-in-vagina sex. I also do not offer any kind of manual or oral stimulation (no hand jobs, blowjobs, foot jobs, etc). These are hard boundaries, and they are stated clearly on my website booking policies. Additionally, I do not allow my clients to give me intimate body worship or anything that would involve fluid exchange. In fact, my clients are never allowed to touch any part of my body except my feet, if and only if they are strictly instructed to do so. However, human sexuality is very broad, and I believe so should be the definition of sex. What if someone can reach climax just from stimulation to their nipples? Is this sex? What if the climax is beside the point, and the person is spellbound in the sexual tension of denial, such as in chastity play, for the entire session? Is that, in some ways, sex? What about toys and implements – what if the sub performs oral worship on a strap-on dildo? Is that sex? Food for thought.
Do all dom/sub situations involve pain?
No. Pain is only involved if it is a relevant aspect of the scene and something we have predetermined that the sub desires and consents to experience.
For a first session involving pain, I will typically ask for ‘pain readings’ to get a sense of the sub’s tolerance during the first few strikes of the activity, asking for a rating on a scale of 1-10. Everyone is different, one person’s moderate 5 might be a stinging hot 10 to someone else, which is all completely fine! My aim is to hit the sweet spot of pain that is right for that particular sub and that particular scene. Think of it like a masseuse asking you if the pressure is right – with the added game of the masseuse ultimately having control, within reason, of how much pressure they think you can handle. Communication, reading body language, and trust is key.
Do you have a favourite niche/ scenario that you conduct?
I like theatrical and role play scenes with fantasy storylines. For example, I’ve role-played being a high-powered executive punishing her poor-performing employee, an international military officer interrogating a criminal on the run, and a vampire catching fresh prey for her fantasy vampire domme den. While there may be overlap in activities amongst fantasies (for example, bondage tie and tease), it can be fun to have a storyline to follow with a setting and costumes to go along with it!
How do you choose your subs, do you prefer a certain type of submissive?
I gladly will session with subs who are respectful, which includes: following my booking policies, not pushing boundaries, not asking for discounts, having respect for my craft, and not wasting my time. Most dommes also have safety protocols including reporting bad clients, mini background checks for new clients and/or asking for references from other dommes so, in one of these ways I will typically make sure a client has a clean record before seeing them for the first time.
How often do you see a submissive?
It depends on how frequently they can afford to see me! Usually, I see regulars once a month or so, but many of my clients fly in from abroad to see me, so sometimes it is more infrequent.
What advice would you give someone wanting to enter this lifestyle?
Treat it with respect, try not to be a tourist. Find someone you admire to train with. Follow safety protocol and take care of yourself first, don’t be reckless. If you want to do lifestyle domming, meet people on FetLife or Feeld to play with. If you want to go pro, you’ll need to treat it like a business – do a photoshoot, build a website, get an email address, etc. Start small and build it up over time (don’t buy all of your own gear – start with a basic set and then as you build your clientele, have your clients buy the rest). Ultimately, have fun!
To wrap up part one of our Dominatrix FAQ series, we hope this blog has helped demystify the dominatrix lifestyle, breakdown the common misconceptions of bondage and BDSM and provide you with honest and respectful answers about the BDSM world. Join us again for part two as we’ve only just begun to scratch the surface of what goes on behind the dungeon door and we have many more of your burning questions to be answered by the wonderful Mistress Kizumi. For more insights and to explore Mistress Kizumi’s world further, visit mistresskizumi.com.
